Back to basics. Decided to return to this place. And read old entries from 4 years ago. More than 4 years passed and I decided sharing some of my writing with myself again. This is some sort of diary for me. I am amazed at what I wrote and my journey since then. Some things never change in essence but emerge in different forms. I am happy, content and most of all at peace more and more. It has been an interesting 4 years with a lot of struggles and challenges. Let's see what happens next...

I do not want to say goodbye

I don’t want to say goodbye
Let the stars shine through
I don’t want to say goodbye
All I want to do is live with you

Just like the light of the morning
After the darkness has gone
The shadow of my love is falling
On a place where the sun always shines
Don’t you know that’s where our hearts both belong?

‘Cause I don’t want to say goodbyw
Let the sun shine through
No, I don’t want to say goodbye
All I want to do is live with you

Together, our two hearts are strong
Don’t you know that’s where our hearts both belong?

‘Cause I don’t want to say goodbyw
Let the stars shine through
No, I don’t want to say goodbye
All I want to do is live with you

All I want to do is live with you.

Strange day

Running like an amok. All day with my heart. What is happening? Stammering. Meaning lost. Gotcha find the angel. Angel always helps. Calms me. Sssh gotta go. Angel may be around.

amnesty and angels

"It was just a few hours last night. I was sleeping in the arms of an angel. I was not expecting the angel that night. It was an ordinary night. But the angel visited me, touched my soul and left. Long time ago I learned how to give up the hope for an angel. It was Achilles' heel for me. Trying to find comfort in others just feels like hell if you are disappointed. But angel did not disappoint me since I did not expect anything at all. I was happy and excited. I knew that angel would leave in the morning. I knew that my time was passing. I knew that I lost long time ago. And I knew that I am dieing and soon, long before my friends and parents die, I will leave the world. Maybe just because of that, I cherished the hope. At least I saw how beautiful it is to be with an angel. There always is hope for an angel. This is enough for me. I had a bitter life and I thank god I had my night with the angels. Now i can go and sleep to dream more."

A friend of mine

Today I want to talk about a friend of mine. It is hard to put into words. Though I will try. I feel so lucky to have him. You know it is always hard to brag about something you have, when other unlucky people do not have it. Still i will talk about him.

Have you ever met a believer? He is a believer. My friend. I am proud to say it. He is a fighter. He believes that things can be better. And he fights for it. When you watch him at work, you can not help but feel nothing but proud. World is full of jerks who only thing about their little world.

And then there are people like my friend. He is something else. He is of the kind that cares about others. Yes there are people who care. And after I met him and I got to know him, I can testify that they are real. He cares about me. Most of the time people think that i am weak. Though, they can not see how hard it is to stay naive and nice. Do not I know that there are villains in this world? I absolutely know. But I chose to be a good man.

And he understands. He not only believes in the better part in the world and fights for it but also believes in me. He makes me believe in myself. I love his passion and i love to see him at work.

This entry is for him, he deserves a novel but this is all i can give for now.

He is a friend of mine. His name is John and we met at a Halloween party in 2004.

Love,

All the sounds and colors should fly now.

T
My waves are so huge that even I am amazed at my capacity to feel!
Others do not notice how fast I can change my colors. Still, they think that I am a swinger. Funny, they are not able to comprehend the real wavelength. If they did, they could not know what to call me.

When it comes, and I swear sometimes I feel it coming minute by minute, I suddenly change, my heart starts to beat faster and I believe that I can change everything and I can become everyone I want to be. At that moment, I am a different and unique person once again. I can feel the power through my veins.

And there are other moments. I feel let down and beat up. Strange but the fact is; at those moments I feel even stronger than at upswings. I become a fighter and I really want to change everything for better.

So no matter how I feel, all my colors show one path, one message: "There is always a better way to live this life". This is my core motto. This is how my character was built by my family.

Then the storm goes and I feel calm and at peace. All at once. Each step makes me closer to the light. I know that death is the only ultimate end to this play. And I believe I am living it to the end. I do not see the drive to get better as being unsatisfied and ruining the moment. It is fulfillment. Nothing else but fulfillment.

I am in pain

I am sad. As sad as it gets. It is like I lost somebody. Someone I loved has died. God forgive me. I have not felt like this for a long time. When I was a little boy, I used to cry in my bed till late hours and feel the sorrow. I used to think of my baby sister. I lost my sister. She was killed by the babysitter. We have never gotten over it. It is the heartbreak of the family. More than that, I feel like I am a little boy once again. I feel alone. I can not tell anybody about it. It is like a sudden storm over my soul. God help me. I assume you can never get over a heartbreak whether it is loss of your sister or your bf/gf or your innocence. One just pretends and hopes to share it with someone worth.