I am in pain

I am sad. As sad as it gets. It is like I lost somebody. Someone I loved has died. God forgive me. I have not felt like this for a long time. When I was a little boy, I used to cry in my bed till late hours and feel the sorrow. I used to think of my baby sister. I lost my sister. She was killed by the babysitter. We have never gotten over it. It is the heartbreak of the family. More than that, I feel like I am a little boy once again. I feel alone. I can not tell anybody about it. It is like a sudden storm over my soul. God help me. I assume you can never get over a heartbreak whether it is loss of your sister or your bf/gf or your innocence. One just pretends and hopes to share it with someone worth.